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How to Make Friends as an Adult. Because it’s hard.

Posted by: Fae Ehsan
Posted: December 4, 2014
Categories: Uncategorized

Fae EhsanA few years ago, I found myself sitting alone on a Friday night, thinking, “What happened to all my friends?” I’m being a bit dramatic here, but I had slowly started noticing that when I reached out to my friend base from college, most people were busy with school, jobs, school and jobs or just other things. So was I. Don’t get me wrong, I still had friends, but increasingly, their extra time and mine were in short supply.

As the holidays approached that year, I thought long and hard about my New Year’s resolutions. Working out more? Yeah, right. Eating more vegetables? Pffft. So I settled on this one: In the next 12 months, I want to make 3 new friends that I see and talk to regularly. I know it seems crazy and desperate, but I felt crazy and desperate!

I’m pretty pleased to say that I did it. I think it’s a major accomplishment because making friends as an adult is hard. Like, crazy hard. Tons of people write articles and blogs about how difficult it really is. Read here or here. I’m not here to tell you how hard it is; I’m here to tell you how I did it!

Step 1: Get ready to get awkward.

I’ll be real right now: making new adult friends is awkward. So when you’re going to a networking event or hanging out with people you don’t know super well, get psyched! Listen to a song that makes you feel happy and cool (I alternated between Beyonce and Metric), wear something that you like, and be ready to do a lot of “getting to know you” talking.

The most crucial part? Asking for phone numbers. I normally do something like this, “I had fun! Do you like coffee/wine/pie/art/superhero movies/shopping/charity work? There’s this thing—do you wanna go? (Pause.) Ok, let me get your number, and I’ll text you!” Is it weird? Yes. Is it so, crucially important? YES!

Step 2: Tell everyone!

Tell your family, friends and coworkers that you’re in the market for new pals. You know how everyone seems to have a single person that they’re trying to hook up? That’s you now. I told a friend about my resolution, and she invited me for drinks with one of her casual acquaintances because, “You guys would totally get along.”

Turns out, the casual acquaintance and I totally clicked and are really good buds now! Most people want their friends to be friends with one another. It’s a natural instinct to want to expand and connect your tribe, village, whatever.

Step 3: Be consistent.

Being a friend means being consistent. Call, text or email when you say you will. Follow up promptly. Be on time for drinks, coffee, movies, etc. Don’t flake at the last minute! But the most important part? Being yourself, consistently. Don’t pretend to like things you don’t like. Hate sports? Don’t pretend to be a Colts fan! Don’t like wine? Don’t go to a wine tasting! Love reality TV? Be honest about that!

Step 4: Chill out with expectations.

It’s easy to think that you’ll find that instantaneous connection with someone, the same as you did with high school or college friends, but that’s a kind of connection that is fostered with time. Don’t give up because someone divulged to you that they don’t like Indian food (guilty) or that they didn’t vote in the last election (also guilty).

Step 5: Remember your old friends.

I know you’re in a new-friend-making frenzy now, but don’t forget about the old guys! Even if your friends live far away or are busy or whatever, stay in touch. Ask them about their lives, tell them about yours. Wish them a happy birthday and invite them to hang out whenever you can. These little details will create a longer, stronger friendship in the end.

Whatever your friend situation, make sure to always be true to yourself! Surround yourself with people you like, and people who like you. And if all else fails, I’m always in the market for new friends!

Fae in a red wig

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